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Joke of the Day

"do you qualify to be my crush? *pulls out list* *checks off has a beating heart* yup you qualify"

"As a large adult male I think I could probably last at least 30 seconds with Rhonda Rousey But probably less than 10 seconds in a fight against her."

"Pennies from heaven would actually be quite devastating."

"Hats off to those people brave enough to wear those silly New Years hats at work. No... I meant take your hats off. You look stupid."

"What did C.S. Lewis say about The Lord of the Rings books? ""I don't know what you're Tolkien about!"" Yeah, sorry.. I know it's dumb."

"Nascar Rain I think if NASCAR would quit being sponsored by the movie Noah we wouldn't have so much rain on race day :)"

"California a maltese dog cost around $1000, You can buy the same dog in Vietnam for 5 dollars and it includes a side of fries and a drink."

"Got caught up in a really great book last night... I didn't stop coloring till 2 o'clock this morning!"

"How can you instantly blind an Asian person? put a steering wheel in front of them"

"Eating spicy food is like... Having your whole body sit down for a game of poker. Your stomach always wins while your sinuses and intestines get cleaned out."