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Joke of the Day

"On your first day of prison, go up to the biggest, scariest guy there, and ask him ""Have you heard of updog?"""

"Police Officer: ""Turn around!"" Me: *sings* ""Every every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round..."""

"5 shots + 18 beers = 6 apologies"

"How do telepaths have an orgasm? They get their mind blown."

"Sunday is the only day of the week I can say, ""I'll do it in a minute,"" never do it, and not feel guilty."

"If I see you wearing those toe shoes, I will call the police and give them your description every time a crime is reported on the news."

"Statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape."

"Why did President Kennedy never get drunk? He wasn't very good at taking shots."

"Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids... ... ...Eat them!"

"Be great if just once the winning actor was like ""I mean it wasn't a particularly strong group this year, but still."""