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Joke of the Day

"Nature tip: if you're attacked by a cougar, tickle its belly. It will kill you but at least your last memory will be of petting a cuddly cat"

"Whenever I get a stack of job applications, I throw half of them in the garbage I don't want unlucky people working for me"

"Did you hear about the new show, Scrabble on Broadway? It's a play on words."

"My wife's cooking is so bad.... My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food."

"What does Las Vegas have in common with Scotland? Not a lot, but in both you can pay for sex with chips."

"Critics say Botox is too expensive... ...but I spoke to fifty people who just paid for the treatment, and none of them looked surprised."

"Q: What do you get when you combine a recliner with a fruit? A: A chairy."

"When people with bible quotes in their bio follow me...I don't know man. I think you're gonna have a bad time"

"Where do you store your wine? In the cabernet"

"What will be served at Trump's inagural dinner? Crackers."