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Joke of the Day

"If you're an astronaut and you don't end every relationship by saying ""look, I just need space"" then you're wasting everyone's time."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Ground up and stored in the freezer... ** Stolen from a TV comic I heard, to I take no credit, here"

"The wife asked me, ""When you're on a business trip away, do you think about me?"" Apparently ""Only to stop myself from cumming too quickly"" wasn't the right answer."

"I will base my art on something deeply personalfrom my childhood *childhood was full of mass-market products* *everyone had same childhood*"

"What's not 50% off today? Health insurance"

"Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings too."

"What's the difference between a chicken drumstick and a penis? If you answered ""I don't know""? Then would you like to go for a picnic?"

"What do you call the process of a robot clearing its artificial nose? An olfactory reset."

"Awkward If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them."

"I keep an extra stash of tampons in my purse to launch at blowhards who punctuate the end of their sentence with the word, ""Period!"""