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Joke of the Day

"My wife's starsign was Cancer, which is quite ironic really, thinking about how she died... she was attacked by a giant crab"

"What is a difference between those who left USSR for Canada in 1972 and those who left USSR in and after 1991. In 1972, people ran from Socialism, and in 1991 into Socialism."

"What did the parrot say when he was using the Internet? P.Cs of eight P.Cs of eight."

"A man walks into a psychiatrist's office covered head to toe in cellophane. The psychiatrist says, ""Sir, I can clearly see you're nuts."""

"A trooper asks a sergeant: - Is it true that man descended from a monkey? - Yes troopers possibly were. But not sergeants."

"*interrupts planning of heist* Where are we going for dinner after the robbery"

"Nintendo or Nintendont There is no nintendtry"

"What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ? I'm not sure but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses !"

"A N U S B U T T M U F F ~ My reply when the optometrist asks me to read the lower lines, regardless of what I see"

"Return to empty house. TV turned on to UFC. Faint smell of Axe body spray. Worst fear realized. My house has polterguys."