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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a dead chicken that's haunting your house? A poultrygeist"

"*dog walks into a pet store wearing a fake moustache* ""Hello sir or ma'am I would like to lovingly adopt your most delicious cat"""

"Instead of an accountant, hire a philosopher to do your taxes. It's the thought that counts."

"Men are like road kill. They usually just lie around until they start to smell."

"I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye so I ordered reallllyy slow, because she obviously doesn't listen."

"I ate a sausage earlier, and it didn't taste very nice It was the wurst sausage I've ever eaten."

"Just realised why careers advisors are shit they couldn't even pick their own career"

"What's green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree onto you it will probably kill you? A pool table. (*)"

"A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York. At last one man could stand it no longer. ""Hey kid"" he shouted. ""Why don't you go outside and play?"""

"Judge: Your first marriage was terminated by death? A: Yes by death. Judge: And by whose death was it terminated?"