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Joke of the Day

"I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye so I ordered reallllyy slow, because she obviously doesn't listen."

"A pirate is never late.... (x-post from Funny) A pirate is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to. Although admittedly drunk, on fire and uninvited."

"Im sorry, but you only have two weeks to live *slides the doctor a five dollar bill* Ooooh make that 3 weeks buddy *winks at loved ones*"

"A Newfie walks into a doctor's office... And says ""Doc b'y, I tinks I got dat H2N2 disease."" Doctor replied ""ummm...don't you mean H1N1?"" Newfie says ""No b'y, dis is twice as bad as dat!"""

"A man went to the doctors office and said ""I've broken my arm in several places"".... The Doctor tells him ""Well, you should stop going to those places""."

"I saw my brother kiss my uncle today. I'm starting to think he's relatively gay."

"God and China In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was Made in China."

"The Heist A man walks into the bank with a pistol. He aims the gun at his head and yells, ""Give me the money!""."

"Where can you find the best Black Friday deals with items at 100% off? Ferguson!"

"A postcard home: The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful."