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Joke of the Day

"What's green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree onto you it will probably kill you? A pool table. (*)"

"How do genetically engineered car salesmen from Boston greet their customers? Hey, gattaca? GATTACA?"

" ...Oh the weather outside's delightful, the balance in my account is frightful, what happened to all my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnnnoooooo... "

"You'd think there'd be more mirrors in the self-checkout aisle. As far as I know I made this joke up."

"Mel Brooks is tired of all the letters from Arnold Schwarzenegger begging for a new space balls movie. In a public statement he said he is the worst schwartz a nagger of them all."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or genitalia? Still no fucking eye deer."

"If only the first rule of Vegan club Was not to talk about Vegan club"

"Whenever you're feeling inadequate, remember: You know more about medicine than legitimate doctors during the civil war did."

"Do you know why Dead Baby jokes never get old? Because they die so young."

"Apparently in yoga when the instructor says, 'next we go into our downward dog,' it is frowned upon to make the 'bowchickabowow' sound."