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Joke of the Day

"*dog walks into a pet store wearing a fake moustache* ""Hello sir or ma'am I would like to lovingly adopt your most delicious cat"""

"What do you call a bunch of flies in a beer can? An Outback Vibrator"

"We've run out of coffee so my girlfriend pressured me into knocking next door. So I knocked and awkwardly asked them to go to the shops."

"I had an idea for a British ST:TNG spinoff It's called queue."

"Yes, Banner Ads, we want to check our Credit Scores. Almost as much as we want to pick people up at the airport and see our parents fucking."

"Cocaine so white it looks around the room before saying ""nigga"""

"Every time I wear a suit I hear the same five words. ""Will the defendants please rise"""

"What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones."

"A mathematician walks into a pizza bar and orders one pi He receives two"

"Picking up someone at a bar when you're drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn't want."