11201

Joke of the Day

"ME: I wish I could just go back to the good old day FRIEND: don't you mean good old days? ME: no, I just had the one"

"Him:Wow you came back from your run in record time... Me:It's amazing how fast you can go if you imagine your mother is chasing you..."

"What do you call a cheap hooker's snatch? Death Valley."

"Met a girl with 12 nipples today Sounds pretty odd, dozen tits?"

"God: You'll be cursed to travel the desert for 35 years Moses: *slipping him $20* How about 30 [Later] Moses: We must wander for 40 years"

"Some people say that The Big Bang Theory disproves God... I mean, sure, it's not the best show, but I wouldn't go *that* far."

"COP: [flashes his light into my car] ME: *struggles to roll down window* ""Sorry this isn't my car."""

"Paralegal activity. #BoringHorrorMovies"

"Hey girl are you like a gorilla exhibit? Cause I want to drop a baby in you."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth."