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Joke of the Day

"Give a man a fish and he'll go to McDonald's instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald's"

"I had to study a book on the human digestive system today.... The ending was shit"

"What's the difference between a bucket of blended dead baby and a bucket of sand? I can't gargle sand."

"What's grandma's favorite seasoning? Old Bae"

"What do Princess Di's coffin and a Queen Bee have in common? They're both filled with Royal Jelly."

"What do you call it when a woman of the church goes on a secret mission? Nun of your business"

"priest: ""does anyone here know why these two should not be wed?"" me: ""SHE LEAVES THE VOLUME ON ODD NUMBERS"" priest: [slowly closes bible]"

"Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, ""You gotta bring it today!"" SO I'M GONNA BRING IT! *brings lunch to work*"

"When I get real bored I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving."

"Since I've been on my own, I no longer trust a whole gallon of milk... The problem is every time I bring it into my house, it doesn't get drunk. It gets wasted."