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Joke of the Day

"It doesn't matter that I'm bad at spelling, I'm the best physicist just give me a sodastream and watch."

"How do dentists like their eggs? Poached."

"I told my mom that bukkake is Japanese for bundt cake... I hope I'm there when she orders dessert at the steak house."

"When a pregnant woman swims she is literally a human submarine."

"Sorry a lot of sand came out of my sleeve when I shook your hand; I went to the beach six years ago."

"What?s green and fluffy and comes from mars? A martian-mellow"

"My wife hit me in the face with a frying pan and yelled, ""That's for all the cheating!"" She has a weird way of apologising."

"""Boop"" - Zebra walking past a self service checkout."

"*cats pull on masks* This is the ultimate heist. Let's get those jewels. *cats immediately set off alarm trying to attack the laser beams*"

"Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming ""HELP SHARK, HELP!"" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."