111922

Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctors the other day. I said ""every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm!"" ""Have you been taking anything for it?"" He asked. ""Yeah, pepper"""

"*smashes car through your living room* Fancy meeting you here, have you been getting my text messages?"

"Why was the computer tired when it got home? It had a hard drive."

"""The world needs an arbiter of good taste and common sense, and I am fully qualified for that job."" - every living human"

"What did the grizzly bear study at college? He was an Ursa Major"

"Guys: when you're shaving, do the Hitler part first. You don't want to get interrupted and then be running around with just the Hitler part."

"Be back in a few days. Gotta shave my legs for spring. But, before I go, what's the best way to sharpen hedge trimmers?"

"Why don't people like talking about herpes? It's a sore subject."

"Your mother's so fat... Your father couldn't pull out in time."

"Imagine that you were tired of living in a police state and decided to leave Russia for good a while ago, and bought a small house in Crimea."