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Joke of the Day

"Be back in a few days. Gotta shave my legs for spring. But, before I go, what's the best way to sharpen hedge trimmers?"

"I've been fired for a childish behaviour Apparently, sucking tits of my female coworkers wasn't such a good idea."

"I like a girl that isn't afraid to jump in front of me during a robbery & say ""babe, please. I got this one, you bought dinner."""

"A redhead tells her blonde friend ""I slept with a Brazilian""... The blonde replies, ""Oh my god, you slut! How many is a Brazilian?"""

"I farted on the bus today and four people turned around I felt like I was on The Voice"

"95% of my tweets are the truth. The only thing I lie about are statistics."

"In a recent drug use quiz at work, I won. Nobody got higher than me."

"Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff? tequila"

"a fish walks into a bar..... the bartender asks ""what will it be?"" Fish replies "" am dying for a glass of water."""

"Dad, my laptop's frozen. Have you tried warming it up?"