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Joke of the Day

"I had a jacket stolen from me tonight. My enemies will stop at nothing to keep me from maintaining a comfortable body temperature in style"

"What did the Jewish baby say to the Rabbi? Keep the tip."

"The Fifa president, secretary general and communications director are all travelling in a car. Who's driving? The police. Not mine: http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/33099881"

"How is digging fence post holes like being the mayor of Toronto? It goes pretty smoothly until you start hitting the rock."

"Tried to catch Sirrus and Achenar yesterday Myst :)"

"5+5=6 -5+6=-12 10+10=200 no joke"

"What do you call it when an Asian composer really needs the bathroom? Rover Flows Out Of You."

"I made a belt out of $100 Bills. It's a waist of money."

"I told her it's been a while. She told me that was fine. It's just like riding a bike. Now she's mad I checked her for proper inflation"

"A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: ""Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live."" The man said: ""Can you do something for me?"" ""Yes,"" he said. ""I'll boil you an egg."""