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Joke of the Day
"Why do we carve pumpkins for Halloween? Because they're less bloody."
Next Joke
"What do you call a phobia of machetes? Common sense"
"Who was the nose's favorite Christian mystic? Nostrildamus"
"What do you call a torn up wife beater A piece of ""shirt"""
"[texting] So what's your name? ""ily"" omg this is moving too fast. ILY: (yelling) IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN MOM, WHY DID YOU NAME ME THAT?"
"Have you heard about the guy who didn't want to walk the plank? He wasn't on board with it."
"Me: Hello, my name is Vikki and I'm an alcoholic. Operator: Ma'am, this is AAA. Me: I know. I'm an alcoholic and now my car is in a ditch."
"You want to know a neat trick to get yourself to stop being annoyed by a baby crying? Close the lid to the dumpster."
"If guns don't kill people.... If guns don't kill people, people kill people, then toasters don't toast toast. Toast toasts toast."
"Cinderella If you play Cinderella backwards it's a woman learning her place...."