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Joke of the Day

"Have you guys seen the new Ray Rice's jersey It's a wife beater"

"How does a Liverpudlian get to work... He doesn't."

"How do you know Kurt Cobain didn't have dandruff? A bit of his head and shoulders were found behind the couch."

"Hungry Hungry Hippos must get tired of eating the same thing? White spheres, again?"

"Never vote for a tunnel-digging politician Because he's probably just another burrowcrat."

"What is the quickest way to double your money ? Fold it in half !"

"Due to flooding, my kid's school is closed. Pffft. In my day, we swam to school--uphill--both ways."

"I opened the door for an old lady today... A few people stared when they seen me jump in front of her and just stand there to activate the automatic door though."

"I saw some snails fighting in my driveway... They were really slugging it out."

"[first date] *pointing indiscriminately* ""uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam"" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees"