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Joke of the Day

"Parenting a baby is like an etch-a-sketch drawing. You must be careful, but if you mess up just shake the shit out of it and make a new one."

"Did you hear about the housing prices in Baltimore? I hear they're a riot!"

"What is the difference between dragons and dinosaurs? Dinosaurs aren't old enough to smoke. Told to me by my niece at christmas."

"Two submissives sitting in a tree. N O T H I N G"

"Yup. If pasta & antipasta ever touch, they annihilate. For your safety, that's why restaurants never serve them together."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick in your sister's ass."

"Wanna piss a rhinoceros off? Hang his car keys on his nose."

"wife: Why is 9 crying? me: Because it's raining and he's getting wet wife: But we're at a water park me *takes a drink from my flask* Yep"

"What do you call an arrogant robber? a condescending condescending"

"What's your new years resolution? Mine's 1920x1080."