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Joke of the Day

"New Italian Navy Why does the new Italian Navy use glass bottoms in their ships? So the can see the old Italian Navy."

"Me: Whats the best thing on the menu? Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*"

"A drunk man walks into a bar... ... and a table... and a chair..."

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb...? ...to get to the other side"

"*At the Carnival* Me: How much for the petting zoo? Person: What? *Drunk at Walmart by the dressing rooms*"

"Grandma used to say ""Respect yourself & others will too,"" but she also used to say ""Damn N*ggers,"" so I don't know what to believe :("

"I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables... He said ""prove it."" So I pushed him off the balcony."

"Every time I see an obese family at a buffet, I throw a sack of marbles onto the table and have a live showing of Hungry Hungry Hippos."

"So I think we have pretty much covered what to do if life gives you lemons"

"What did Hillary Clinton say at the last debate? Nothing...because she was in the kitchen where she belongs."