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Joke of the Day

"Every time I see an obese family at a buffet, I throw a sack of marbles onto the table and have a live showing of Hungry Hungry Hippos."

"What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune? T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet."

"Today I was on Crimea St It was flooded."

"""You know what this sexist comment needs? Acoustic guitar."" -country music"

"Women are like modern art... They're hard to figure out, and we're not really sure if they even have a purpose."

"Give a dad a fish and save him a trip to Costco. Teach a dad to fish and you can throw wild parties while he's away on fishing weekends."

"Sext: You are a butterfly. I am a caterpillar. Surprise twist, I am Chris Hansen in a caterpillar suit. You are under arrest."

"Don't trust atoms. Don't trust atoms, they make up everything."

"Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures."

"What if ants aren't insects at all but are vehicles that even smaller insects drive to work?"