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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my calzones Somewhat crusty on the outer part and really gooey and cheesy on the inner part."

"What's the big deal with the Dog Whisperer? My dog whispers all the time! ""Kill for me,"" he rasps."

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I'm not going to jelly my dick down your throat!"

"Starbucks, where 11 members of staff frantically do things behind the counter, yet not one of these things appears to resemble a hot drink"

"When someone says something was made with ""love"" what exactly does that mean? Did they jerk one off into the center of my cupcake?"

"""Hey Dad, I'm going to the airport. Call me a taxi.' Dad : ""Hi taxi"""

"My wife's hot best friend just sent me an email with the subject line: ""Date Night."" I'm just going to stop there and imagine the rest."

"Was your ass freed from enslavement? Because it's off the chain."

"What is the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The Wheelchair"

"GURU: You have achieved the state of sakrdagamin: you will reach nirvana within seven lifetimes ME: [slipping him a $20] How about six"