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Joke of the Day

"Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is this a trick question?"

"So my japanese girlfriend dumped me the other day.. .. Oh well, theres plenty more in the sea."

"Why did Timmy fall off his bike? Because Bill threw a mattress at him."

"Because 'brunch' sounds better than 'I slept until 2pm, I have a hangover and I want pancakes.'"

"Saying ""guns don't kill people, bullets do"" is like saying ""I haven't raped anyone, but my dick has."""

"How do you know when your sister is on her period? when your dad's dick tastes like blood"

"What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13."

"One group of people still can't get married in the US Ugly people"

"Wife wants to hang pictures of our kids in the bathroom. Like they don't already spend enough time in there with us."

"What Obama is doing right now Sitting in the oval office with iPhone headphones on watching Mr. Robot. His advisors knocking on his door. ""GO AWAY!"""