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Joke of the Day

"Wife wants to hang pictures of our kids in the bathroom. Like they don't already spend enough time in there with us."

"ME: Excuse me...Where's the rowing boat equipment? EMPLOYEE: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: Or you'll what?"

"I'm never marrying anyone else that I find on craigslist."

"I got a walk on part in a silent movie about mimes. I'm absolutely speechless."

"Wow, you're a Sagittarius?? That must mean you're trusting, passionate and thick as pig shit to think I care about horoscopes"

"I tried to open a store that specialized in leather made from cow nipples... It was an udder catastrophe"

"How do you know when your sister is on her period? when your dad's dick tastes like blood"

"A man waiting for a heart transplant... ... says ""I only want the heart of a dead lawyer."" ""Why?"" asks the doctor. ""I want one that's never been used."""

"That depressing moment when you plug your phone in your charger and hours later you realise your charger wasn't plugged in."

"A blonde women just found out some frightening statistics... She was just informed that over 90% of car accidents happen within 10 miles of the persons house. So she moved."