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Joke of the Day

"What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza? Skinning the vegan."

"I was gonna go to the gym today... ... But it didn't work out."

"What did the demonic junkie get charged with? Two counts of possession"

"Why can't the T-rex clap its hands? Because it's dead."

"Solipsism Everything I know about solipsism without looking it up is all there is to know about solipsism."

"What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator? A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)"

"""Daddy?"" ""Yes?"" ""What are you doing?"" ""Writing a fictional conversation so I can post it on Twitter."""

"It's always good to know what's happening in astrology. When nothing seems to be going right, you can blame the stars."

"A jumper cable walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, ""I'll serve ya but don't start anything."""

"When I get a little tipsy I like to go to a random neighbourhood, knock on the door and say, ""Sarah Connor?""."