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Joke of the Day

"If you play connect-the-dots with the stains on my shirt, it reveals a picture of a grown man who needs to use a bib."

"How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb. None. Californians screw in hot tubs."

"What happens when a T-rex gets strep? His throat becomes saurus."

"I was considering feeding Mr. Whiskers spicy food... ....But then I remembered that curry-osity killed the cat."

"I have a strong relationship with the flying spaghetti monster... ...but it's strained to say the least"

"What is the similarity between a weiner and a Rubik's Cube? The more you twist them the harder they get."

"I know 25 letters of the alphabet really well... ...I don't know why."

"That moment. You're driving, music blaring singing at the top of your lungs. You're a rockstar till the music cuts out & you hear your voice"

"I hate it when people ask me what i'll be doing in 5 years time C'mon!! I don't have 2020 vision"

"ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: What time is it? ME: Haha. Yeah definitely"