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Joke of the Day

"*knocks on donation door Me: I have a donation Salvation Army: Ma'am, once again... you cannot donate your man Me: You have stupid rules!"

"Diarrhea is genetic. It runs in your jeans."

"Why did Microsoft go straight to Windows 10 and skip 9? Because Windows 8 9."

"What's the worst part of having a lung transplant? Knowing that the first couple of times you cough that the phlegm isn't yours."

"*Guy tries giving me his phone number* Me: Oh no thank you. I already have one"

"What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish."

"I could not stop my baby boy from crying so I poured no tears shampoo in his eyes, it didn't work."

"[lights focus on guy in interrogation room] ""Say it. SAY IT."" *points at sign saying ""Worcestershire Sauce""*"

"I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out. But she pulled some strings and got me in."

"Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only cums once a year"