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Joke of the Day

"I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out. But she pulled some strings and got me in."

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance... Barista: Sir your Caffe Mocha is ready. Me: Oh ok nevermind."

"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left leg and arm in a car crash? He's all right now."

"A guy just told me ""All asians are ninjas"" I wanted to tell him how racist that was, but he was black and i didn't want to get beat down"

"Nothing says ""I'm single"" like a string cheese wrapper in the bathroom trash can."

"Roses are red... Roses are red. Violets are red. The grass is red. The fence is red. OH SHIT THE GARDEN'S ON FIRE!"

"If you don't hate yourself by the time you log off, you're not using the internet correctly."

"""I'm sorry"" and ""My bad"" mean the same thing Unless you're at a funeral"

"I had a 12 inch Italian last night Then I went to Subway"

"Parallel lines have got so much in common. It's a shame they'll never get to meet."