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Joke of the Day

"I could not stop my baby boy from crying so I poured no tears shampoo in his eyes, it didn't work."

"What's it called when it's 9:20am and you can't wait for dinner? Oh, it's called fat. Nevermind."

"I deliver packages, I came up to a house and a man was sticking his penis through the mail slot. He was giving me a tip."

"What did the mayor say after the townsfolk told him that they used the watering hole to take dumps? Well shit."

"The Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar. ...it was tense."

"911: What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't? No! 911: Placing you in protective custody."

"Hey you with the Uggs, Michael Kors bag, iPhone, scarf and super excited voice.. *70 million white women turn around*"

"According to the Internet: Xbox One - $500. - Weaker hardware. - Mandatory daily check-in. - Requires Kinect. - DRM. PS4 - Cures cancer."

"What where Adam's first words to Eve? ""Don't wash it in there, you'll make the fish smell like that!"""

"Why the Xelerator is better than the Airblade... Dyson only makes products that suck."