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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst part of having a lung transplant? Knowing that the first couple of times you cough that the phlegm isn't yours."

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"My psychologist said that I am losing my mind, and I don't agree. I'd say that my mind is losing me."
"[pet shop] ME: I'm looking for a dog that can talk OWNER: Try this one ME: [to dog] Can you talk? DOG: No ME: My search continues"
"Why can't Abraham Lincoln be convicted for murder? Because he's in a cent."
"What do you say when the Batmobile drives by? Na na na na na na na na BAT MAN What do you say when a stolen Batmobile drives by? Na na na na na na na na BLACK MAN"
"I got a sweater for Xmas I appreciate it, but I would have preferred a screamer or a moaner."
"Q: Why do blondes always drink with straws? A: Practice."
"What is the best thing about liquid soap? It takes longer to pick up."
"A friend of ours is practicing baking apple pies. She brings them over to our house and later asks us how we liked it. I tell her ""You need more practice."""
"Jedi Knights love analogies. ""Metaphors be with you!"""