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Joke of the Day

"Bad: Getting bit by a spider... Worse: ...inside your mouth... Worst: ...while making out with someone."

"What did the surfer say to David Carradine? Hang tight"

"Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags? Me: Kidding? At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me."

"You've gotta hand it to short people.. Usually because they can't reach it"

"What do you call it when you're run over by a German? Hunover."

"Is the bakery hiring? Cause I think I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by."

"Which England player keeps up the fuel supply ? Paul gas coin !"

"Nudist's have the right idea.. Screw laundry!"

"In retrospect; being a fat girl, bringing a black & white swimsuit to a water park 2 weeks after a killer whale attack, was a horrible idea."

"I lost two things today. My virginity... ...and my job at the morgue."