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Joke of the Day

"Is the bakery hiring? Cause I think I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by."

"Wife: Wow, I'm tired Me: Go relax, give me the recipe and I'll make dinner [Five minutes later] Me: Honey, I think we're out of...""oven""?"

"A man walked into a bar... I ducked."

"""Do you need help with your math homework Billy?"" ""Yeah I sure do Dad!"" ""Well you're shit out of luck"""

"I never close my eyes in the shower because that's how murderers know when to show up and kill you."

"Phantom cellphone vibrations are your dead ancestors calling you."

"A friend of mine asked if you could catch AIDS from a toilet seat. I said, only if you sit down before the other guy gets up."

"Did you guys hear about the sequel of ""To Kill a Mockingbird""? It's called... ""The Murder of Crows"""

"Still good at casually flexing my bicep the second before a girl touches it."

"Time travel I solved a complicated algorithm which could send us back in time, watch... I solved a complicated algorithm which could send us back in time..."