109492

Joke of the Day

"Why are there so few casinos in Africa? Too many cheetahs"

"My daughter just asked for a Samsung Galaxy phone. Had to sit her down and explain to her we aren't poor. #iPhone"

"My personal trainer told me to stop eating pizzas but if I'm craving it I should just eat one slice. So now I ask them not to cut the pizza."

"Why do people make offensive jokes about inbreeding? It's retarded."

"Oh my god, killer snails are after us. Walk. Walk for your lives."

"WIFE: Hey why are all our potatoes dressed in tiny outfits and arranged in a little scene? ME: [hiding Photato Album] Why? Do you like it?"

"*catches frisbee* ""this is the kinda thing I mean when I say you guys don't take staff meetings seriously"""

"I tattooed the word ""WINNER"" on my forehead in case I meet anyone new and they have any doubts"

"What is this compound? Chemistry teacher drew this during class. http://imgur.com/fQyNg Don't know how to type spoilers, but maybe rot13 will do. Vg'f n cnenqbk."

"So I heard on the news that there was a school shooting in my city of Chicago. It must've been a slow news day."