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Joke of the Day

"So I heard on the news that there was a school shooting in my city of Chicago. It must've been a slow news day."

"the umami flavor derives its nam from the phenomnenom of when u taste som realy good soy sauce & it causes u to sassily shout ""oo, mami!"""

"Masturbation is like procasination In the end you're just fucking yourself"

"I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash? Because it had a bad driver! *drops mic*"

"A jumper cable walks into a bar... The bartender looks at him and says: ""I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"""

"What do you call a deaf dinosaur? Anything you like - he can't hear you."

"If I had to describe myself in one word... It would be, ""Unable to follow instructions."""

"Interviewer: ""So, where do you see yourself in 5 years?"" Me: ""My biggest weakness? Probably not listening properly."""

"What do you get when Philip Glass breaks? John Cage."

"What's it called when a terrorist's wife cheats with an American? Infidel-ity."