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Joke of the Day

"[creates anti aging pill] Reporter: wow imagine all the human applications this can have *I scribble out 'give to puppies'* Yeah absolutely"

"What did the hippie say when asked to leave the party? Namaste."

"Bought a 2nd cell phone to leave on the coffee table as a decoy when I go tweet in the bathroom."

"Current fitness level: arm is tired from brushing teeth."

"If you tell me you're a fan of One Direction, please clarify if you're referring to the boy band or Kim/Kanye's baby."

"What do they call the 13th floor in England? The 12th floor."

"When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don't like, I just say ""oh yeah, that's where that really cute girl works"". Problem solved."

"Yo momma's so dumb... ...she voted for Trump."

"Hinder: an app that locates available singles nearby who will stall your life in some significant way"

"There are three kinds of people in the world... The ones that know how to count and the ones that dont"