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Joke of the Day
"Why did a physician go to prison? His medical license was doctored."
Next Joke
"How do you get a drummer off your doorstep? You pay for the pizza."
"Q: Why did the man hit the fortune teller when she started laughing? A: He was striking a happy medium."
"If you meet a woman who says your name with the same passion she says pumpkin spice latte you should marry her immediately"
"Just spent 5 minutes waving my hands in front of a manual paper towel dispenser if anyone needs someone to take their SAT exam for them."
"Looking at our latest Comcast bill and I can only pray that our daughter has zero aspirations for college"
"(I get an amber alert for a missing child) OK its my time to shine (I get in my car and back out without looking and instantly hit the kid)"
"your mother's so dumb... ... she thinks asphalt is a disease, and asbestos is the cure."
"We call our new maid Non Sequitur. She's Latin and she doesn't follow."
"The best part of having a prostitute die on you is the second hour is free!"