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Joke of the Day

"My mother arrives on Friday, so I have to do three months worth of cleaning in 48 hours. Also, lose 30 pounds and live up to my potential."

"Statistics show that for every two people Chuck Norris killed, he impregnated one."

"My friends said I looked kinda like Hitler from the side I'm laterally Hitler"

"How to catch an elephant Dig a hole big enough for an elephant. Fill it with loose ash and cover it with frozen peas as bait. Then when he comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole."

"I have some great kitchen puns. They're really pantastic."

"Q: What did the momma corn say to baby corn? A: where is popcorn"

"Here's a joke from Hilary Clintons emails... [deleted]"

"At what point does CPR become necrophilia? When you're both stiff"

"Me: guess who i saw today? Batman: who? M: not your parents B: Y do you always do this? M: cause they told me to B: who? M: not your parents"

"Over the years, my sexual fetishes have been getting more perverse But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realized I hit rock bottom"