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Joke of the Day

"My best dating advice is to wait after you have two kids and a house before you tell her you speak elvish."

"Found this great joke in the latest serious Askreddit thread, thought you guys might like it [removed]"

"What do you call a German thief? A Hamburglar."

"What stretches more skin or rubber? Skin, because in the bible it says that Moser tied his ass to a tree and walked 20 miles."

"Why do sandwiches never have kids? Because they always turn out in-bread."

"No internet for 11 hours. I've written two novels, lost 15 pounds, and forgotten how to pronnounce ""gif."""

"Reddit admins once ate a whole Pizza Hut."

"I got fired from my job as a bingo caller... apparently ""A meal for two with a terrible view"" was a pathetic way to announce the number 69."

"I have a new Obama joke, but... not many people approve."

"I want my funeral to be sad and completely serious. Then right when my coffin starts lowering into the ground the song from Tetris plays."