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Joke of the Day

"""Mos Def"" is my favorite rapper named after a girl who doesn't actually plan on hanging out with you."

"Why do tulips glow? Because they come from bulbs. (This is the only *dad* joke I know.)"

"My girlfriend from 65 years ago passed away.... Surprising because she was never one to go down first"

"What position would Obama be if he played football? The half-black"

"What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."

"Money doesn't impress me. You know what does? Treehouses."

"What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? Beer"

"Level of singleness: yelling, ""pizza's here!"" So the delivery man doesn't think all the pizza is just for me..."

"LPT: If you couldn't fit all of the planets in the planetary alignment in one shot Try backing up a bit"

"Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod."