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Joke of the Day

"Level of singleness: yelling, ""pizza's here!"" So the delivery man doesn't think all the pizza is just for me..."

"What's the same between Brussel sprouts and anal sex? If you enjoy it as as an adult you hated it as a kid"

"Did you hear about the Mexican train robber He had Loco motives"

"Fairly Dark Joke I really hate it when people tell jokes about suicide. So whenever they tell them, I just stare at them instead of laughing. That'll show them. That'll show them all."

"I'd never appear on Leno now because I have strict ethical standards, so next time you're watching Leno and you don't see me that's why."

"Women are a lot like heroin. At first you're like, ""Oh geez, this is fun"" then eventually you die."

"I felt like a fool when I bought David Bowie tickets for my son and then remembered that he died last year... Even more so when I remembered that David Bowie died too."

"Man: I'd like an order of buffalo wings Bartender: sorry, we don't serve food here *a sandwich that just walked in flips a table and leaves*"

"Why did Daenerys cross the road? To be that much closer to crossing the ocean."

"The cops showed up earlier saying my dog was chasing some kid on a bike.. I was like that's ridiculous, my dog can't ride a bike"