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Joke of the Day

"My kids and this punchline have a lot in common. They're both a disappointment."

"Asked for ""change for a dollar"" at the Dollar Store and they just gave me a different dollar."

"I have a lot of guilt from things I've done in the past so I'm grateful Twitter allows me to focus my pent up anger on strangers."

"What did the asian parents call their retarded son? Sum ting wong"

"I went on a date with a girl in a wheelchair... I stood her up, and thats when she fell for me, now were on a roll, I just have to figure out how to ramp it up in the bedroom."

"Afghanistan is just a regular ghanistan that's ghanistan af."

"How was copper wire invented??? 2 jews fighting over a penny"

"Me: Is that seat taken? You: You are pointing at my face... Me: I know."

"F*ck nudes. Send me a picture of your medicine cabinet. I need to know what kind of psycho I'm dealing with."

"That new movie called Erectile dysfunction What a flop."