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Joke of the Day

"If you took all of the poops everyone on earth made in a single day and laid them end to end, wash your hands."

"[interview] My biggest weakness is that I'm too literal ""That's fine. Your resume looks good, welcome aboard!"" *turns to whiteboard* welcome"

"How Does Moses make Tea? HEBREW it!"

"What are the best clothes to wear to the dance club? Boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants..."

"Facebook should invent a relationship status that says ""Only when I'm drunk."""

"First rule of Botox club: Nobody look surprised when someone new joins."

"Right before I left the house my wife asked me if I filled out my organ donor information and now I'm hesitant to start the car."

"[doing standup] So I live in Kansas [hysterical laughter] That...that wasn't the joke"

"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants, and a dirty bus stop? One's a crusty bus station, and the other's a busty crustacean!"

"""I think Esmerelda's in trouble!"" ""What makes you so sure, Quasimodo?"" ""I have a..."" ... *sunglasses* ... *turns to camera* ... hunch."""