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Joke of the Day

"Why did the noodles go to rehab? To get yakisoba."

"In a parallel universe somewhere, all the Pumpkin Spice Lattes are getting really excited for White Girl season at Starbucks."

"I'm thinking 'FUCK YOU' real loud at the people around me right now & they don't have a clue. I'm owning them so hard & they have no idea."

"When someone shows you they don't want to be a part of your life, let them go. I'm not saying you can't make a voodoo doll of them, though."

"The forest animals are about to rip me apart but suddenly they back off. Hillary Clinton emerges from the trees. The animals bow their heads"

"Have I told you about my vacation to Oklahoma? It went fucking horribly."

"What did the sexual predator chicken say about the donkey? I don't think it'll fit in that ass."

"I would like to see more realistic math problems in schools cause there ain't no way some kid has 75 melons without stealing a produce truck"

"Who's the best grammar Nazi? Adolf Hitler's grandmother."

"How many ears does spock have? (if you don't get it read it aloud) a left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear."