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Joke of the Day

"I'm thinking 'FUCK YOU' real loud at the people around me right now & they don't have a clue. I'm owning them so hard & they have no idea."

"How did the Edward Impersonator annoy /r/jokes? He feigned ted."

"I said hi to Ellen Pao today She told me to stop being sexist"

"They say Napoleon got the shakes whenever he put on his uniform... Modern scholars believe he may have had epaulettesy."

"I posted ""I did it!!!"" to Facebook and got a ton of congratulations but nobody realized I was confessing."

"What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno buisness. ... I'll let my self out."

"What is the difference between Susan Boyle and a aircondtioner? An aircondtior can be hot"

"Was just told to take my labor day decorations down. I guess a giant inflatable woman giving birth in your front yard is tacky or something."

"My penis is only two inches From the floor"

"What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spit, swallow, gargle."