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Joke of the Day

"Carrying a warm burrito in the big front pocket of my sweatshirt is the closest I'll ever come to understanding motherhood."

"What's the definition of a masochist with necrobeastiality tendencies? Someone who literally gets off beating a dead horse."

"""This sausage is the best!"" She said ""No,"" replied the German, ""it is the wurst!"""

"Why are gay guys able to float? Because they're flamboyant."

"What's the best part about going to a concert in Paris? Free Shots"

"*Buys Samsung smart fridge. Opens app every 15 minutes to see if there's anything good in there*"

"A man turns to another and says: ""sitting here is almost as bad as being drunk"" the second man, confused, asks ""How bad can being drunk be?"" the first responds, ""Try asking a glass of water"""

"An architect is inspecting a bridge... When an Asian man behind to cross it. The architect says: ""The bridge seems to have a slope, yeah?"""

"I watched an exciting documentary about rabbit farmers... it was hare-raising."

"[rolls a boiled egg down the bar to a hot girl] me - ""that was an accident can I have my egg back please"""