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Joke of the Day

"A man turns to another and says: ""sitting here is almost as bad as being drunk"" the second man, confused, asks ""How bad can being drunk be?"" the first responds, ""Try asking a glass of water"""

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"[nsfw] why do Jewish women prefer circumcised men? They'll take anything that's 30% off"
"You are being approached by a lawyer, a lion and a gang member. You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do? Shoot the lawyer. Twice."
"Yo girl, are you my email inbox? because there's a lot of stuff you have I'm never going to see"
"Stinky Bathroom... Know why my bathroom doesn't stink? I exhaust fan the shit out of it."
"When I was 9, I was touched by an Angel. Angel Martinez, currently serving 16 years."
"So I bought a fragrant candle the other day, but when I lit it nothing happened... It just didn't make scents."
"Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting."
"Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend."
"Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital."