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Joke of the Day

"What is a neckbeard's favourite email client? G'mail"

"When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?' is unwise, apparently."

"I always make a point to add a 'man' when I say thanks to the pizza delivery guy, so he knows I used to smoke weed and shit."

"""Are you cold?"" *People who are cold*"

"What do you call an angry white elephant that likes crushing donkeys and darker elephants? Donald Trunk."

"As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people... But I guess I'll take a shot at it."

"I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them."

"I just tried to make reservations at the library. Couldn't get one though. They were fully booked."

"If I were Hillary, I'd ask Michelle Obama to stay on as first lady."

"The only thing worse than Friday the 13th, is Monday the 13th"