32976

Joke of the Day

"When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?' is unwise, apparently."

"A panic attack is hearing your teens laughing in another room at the same time you can't find your phone."

"Emails from world leaders are streaming in to Hillary Clinton to console her [Deleted]"

"Do you know whats funnier than 24? 25."

"The other day I walked up to a homeless person. 'Knock knock' 'Who's there' 'I thought you were homeless!'"

"Caesar tried to run when the senate came after him... but his leg muscles couldn't carry him fast enough. As he fell to the ground he cried out ""Et tu, glutes!"""

"A guy gets pulled over for speeding The cops walks up to the guy's car window and says ""Son, I've been here just a waitin' for you all day."" The guy replies ""Well, I got here as fast as I could""."

"Sometimes when my boyfriend makes a racist joke I am like Ugh why did I even imagine you?"

"What did one frog say to the other? Time's fun when you're having flies."

"I've stolen so much stuff from work that some of my colleagues now have to work at my house"