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Joke of the Day

"[hugging mom at sister's funeral] ""And you said I'd never be your favorite"""

"Yes, you take my breath away... But so does a brisk walk, or the sight of an ugly baby. Don't be so flattered."

"If a velociraptor is running.. and he speeds up, does he become an acceleraptor?"

"I like my women like my Asian food: Hot and sweet."

"Me: I wish Inigo Montoya appeared everytime ""literally"" is misused and did his ""You keep saying that word"" bit Genie: That ones on the house"

"Left handed people in the past. Why did people back in the day not accept left handed people? Because it wasn't right. I'm sorry bye."

"My dad got carpal tunnel syndrome from being on a keyboard in an office all day. It got so bad his boss made him get rid of the piano."

"""Mr Bush, do you want my coke?"" ""Yeah sure"" *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away* ""Hey kid...catch"" *kid turns around to see incoming plane*"

"Well it's taken 10 years, but I've just finished my first book.... I think I will start reading another tomorrow.."