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Joke of the Day

"Today, I cleaned the house. It was awesome. My favorite part was finding things I didn't remember having. Like where'd these kids come from?"

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? ""Oh sheet!"""

"Guy: Why does everyone call you ""Gross Gary""? Gary: [filling a canteen with hotdog water] Nobody calls me that."

"So John Travolta's career has been dwindling recently... I guess you could say he fell from Grease."

"I'm going to stop wearing cologne and taking showers... Because if I'm going to smell like an asshole, I'll do it all natural."

"I only know bad chemistry jokes Cause all the good ones Argon"

"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."

"It'll be a cold day in hell. Cloudy in purgatory, with a slight chance of rain. And clear skies up in heaven. Now over to Jim with sports."

"Hey girl, you're a 10 on my scale... But that's only because you're basic."

"Why did Olly call the manager for help, outside the store? For the watch.."