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Joke of the Day

"If you love something keep it in the refrigerator, keep it fresh, that thing you love is a lot like mayonnaise."

"How did Trump win? He Trumped the opposition. It was Hillaryious"

"What's a basic girl's favorite vegetable? Asperrygus"

"You haven't texted me since you went to bed. Are we ok?"

"I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt."

"Just watching 50 Shades of Gray with my dad"

"The phrase ""This shit is bananas"" probably originated from the guy who had to clean out the monkey cage at the zoo."

"A mushroom walks into a bar and sits down... The bartender turns to him and says, ""Get outta here. We don't serve your kind."" Mushroom says, ""Why not? I'm a fungi."""

"If Donald Trump becomes president, and Boris Johnson becomes UK's PM... It'll be like toupees in a pod."

"My boss wants to take me to lunch... I ask him, ""Where do you want to go? Are burgers cool?"" He said, ""I'll eat pretty much anything, except for fish."" I reply, ""Your poor wife"""